I am still so upset. I still have such a major decision to be made. I want to be with my kids but I need to be where my job is. I have never felt so lost as I do right now. I really just want to disappear until I wake up from this nightmare. This cant be really happening, it has to be a bad nightmare. My car is screwed up and God only knows how much its going to cost to fix it. I have to leave my kids in another state almost 1300 miles away if I come back to the job that I have here. I just really dont know what I am going to do. Part of me wants to stay in Ohio because of my kids, but part of me needs to be in Florida where my job is but my kids will not be here. I dont know how that will make me feel after being away from them for a long time. I never pictured my life like this and I hate that its come down to this.
I know alot of ppl have it worse than I do and I am thankful for what I have but I would so love the bad karma to go away and let me have some good karma for a change. I really feel at times that I have done something so horrible in another life that I am still paying for it now and will always be paying for it. I just wish that I would already paid that debt off and be able to be happy and not a miserable crying mess. Not that money will change all of my problems but it sure would take care of the problems that I am having now. It would fix my car, it would get me a place for me and my kids to live here in florida and have my kids with me where they belong.
I am almost at my wits end and about to throw my hands up and call truce but I am not that weak person I am very strong and will make it through this just need a little help to make it happen a little faster than its going too.
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