feeling helpless

I feel so helpless right now. My car is still broken down and I have no money to get it fixed. I am stuck in another state with no real friends and having to depend on a boyfriend that I dont even know I want to be with anymore. I miss my kids and want them here with me now but I dont have the money to do that either. I hate this feeling. How is it my life turned out this way? This is not what it was supposed to be like. I was supposed to have my kids, a great job, nice house in a state that never sees snow and a great car. On another note, I cannot wait to go back and see my kids. They will be so shocked when I show up at the house. I am going to tell them that I thought I should hand deliver their bday money LOL. I dont know tho if I am going to want to come back after being with them for 4 days. I was hoping that Chad would have gotten back to me today and that he will let me borrow the money to get my car fixed so I can drive back and find a job that pays better with benefits. I will probably work parttime at the resort for a few so I can save up some extra money but I need need my car to get another job that pays ALOT better. Then I think about the bonuses that we would get during the busy time of the year and I dont want to miss that so that is why Iwill stay on parttime. I got screwed out of it last month and this month we are not going to get one at all. Which really really sucks. Story of my life tho.